Lesbian Loners

Introduction: Lesbian Loners in Soongava

Soongava, is about lesbians and social prospective in lesbians relationship. A lesbian is a female homosexual: a female who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other females. Nepali society (as portrayed in Soongava) is unable to appreciate lesbian relationship that’s why girls who are lesbians remain secluded, they have to live in isolation and they are loners in society. Film director, Subarna Thapa is presenting plight of two lesbian girls in Soongava. The film shows two lead female protagonists from Kathmandu, they have to leave their parents because of their objection on their relationship. In the movie Kathmandu, a capital city of Nepal is presented as patriarchal society. Lesbianism is out of the box concept for patriarchal society. Nepali society is a patriarchal society. Women are secondary in various aspects and sexual preference is not at all a discussion topic. For patriarchal society heterosexuality is compulsory and single choice especially for woman. Adrienne Rich states that compulsory heterosexuality erases lesbian existence. She thinks women are the emotional and sexual property of men. That’s why lesbian experience is about going against compulsory way of life which is ascribed to them by patriarchal society. She further adds “Lesbian existence comprises both the breaking of a taboo and the rejection of a compulsory way of life. It is a direct or indirect attack on male right of access to women. But it is more than these, although we may first begin to perceive it as a form of nay saying to patriarchy, an act of resistance.” (239)

What is Lesbian?

Present world finds it’s necessary to define an individual in terms of one’s sexual preferences.  Specially women activists voice on the issues like woman rights by means of economical, social, political, psychological and most importantly and recently by means of woman’s sexual preference. Lois Tyson claims:

Perhaps a better way to define a lesbian, then, is to say that she is a woman whose sexual desire is directed towards women. The advantage of a definition of this sort is that it allows us to recognize lesbian existence even within the confines of heterosexual marriage. For throughout history, women often have had to marry, whether they wanted to or not, in order to survive economically or because the rigid social system in which they lived offered them no other social or psychological option. And some of these women, though they may have loved and respected their husbands, were passionately attracted to women rather than men. (324)

With his definition, lesbian can be understood as an option sexuality for woman that is prevalent amidst explicit heterosexual identity of woman. He states rigid social system doesn’t let woman to present their passionate relationship with woman. It imposes woman to remain beloved wife to a husband. Her choice of life is at stake because of respect and love for husband. Thapa in his movie, projects a character named Diya who is lesbian, couldn’t show her identity of being lesbian at first unlike Kiran. Diya hides her sexual urge for woman because of her love and respect towards her family. Initially, she shuts her mouth when her family fixes her marriage with a man who is rich enough and liable to take care of her solely by means of physical and economic security. She looks like she is preserving “good girl” identity and she is accepting traditional gender roles. Traditional gender roles “cast women as emotional (irrational), weak, nurturing, and submissive. These gender roles have been used very successfully to justify inequities, which still occur today, such as excluding women from equal access to leadership and decision-making positions.” (85) Diya’s parents accept traditional gender roles that’s why they think Diya is weak and can’t make her own decision and hence they continuously mentions about a rich boy who can be  a social, physical, and economical protector for her. Movie typically presents nepali society who assumes male as a protector for female. Generally, gender identity is given by society. That is male being a protector of female. This trend is an outcome of patriarchal ideology. Tyson includes:

The “good girl” is rewarded for her behavior by being placed on a pedestal by patriarchal culture. To her are attributes all the virtues associated with patriarchal femininity and domesticity: she’s modest, unassuming, self- sacrificing, and nurturing. She has no needs of her own, for he is completely satisfied by saving her family… In Victorian culture in England she was the “angle in the house.” (90)

At first, Diya sacrifices her wish and asserts her parents decision. But I think though a female sacrifices her wish for a time being, eventually after some point of saturation she revolts against what she is unable to adopt. Diya later on backs out from her decision to marry a man whom her parents fix. Then she chooses her female partner Kiran with whom she already had a sexual relationship. Throughout the movie she seems to be confused about her sexuality whereas Kiran is sure about her sexuality. So her desire to be with Diya is more explicit than Diya’s for her. According to Tyson, lesbian identity is not only about sexually involved relation between two women rather it is about “attention and emotional energy to other women and having other women as one’s primary source of emotional sustenance and psychological support. That is, a lesbian is a woman- identified woman.” (324) In this regard, Adrienne Rich asserts for lesbian continuum, Rich states that she calls “lesbian continuum include a range – through each woman’s life and throughout history- of woman- identified experience, not simply the fact that a woman has had or consciously desired genital sexual experience with another woman.” (239)

With this concept when we describe relationship of Diya and Kiran, their relation is not for genital sexual experience but for bonding to enrich inner life and against male tyranny. They enjoy each other’s company and also share what they exactly feel. That’s why they choose to remain with together in seclusion when they find that their families don’t accept their relationship.

How does a patriarchal society treat woman and lesbian?

Patriarchal society imposes without considering a fact that woman has her own feelings, desire, perspectives and opinion. So Diya is in Patriarchal society, is imposed to get engaged with a boy without considering what she really needs, feels, desires, and opines. Tyson says, “Patriarchal objectifies both “bad girls” and “good girls”… women’s perspectives, feelings, and opinions don’t count unless they conform to those of patriarchy.” (91) She is supposed to be successful within a family and career by not being too tired after work to get dinner ready for family, to clean house, attend to all her children’s needs, and husband’s need in bed. For patriarchal mind-set women suited to be wife is valuable. At the very beginning of the movie Diya despite of being lesbian silently accepts marriage proposal as her whole family consent to it without asking her once. Movie shows family with patriarchal mind-set who thinks their girl’s vanity lies on being somebody’s wife. They don’t bother her to ask about her wish and they give all rights to that rich boy for her further education and career.

Similarly, women like Diya and Kiran are abandoned by patriarchal society. They deny patriarchal objectification and lead their life alone. So patriarchal society treats woman as unacceptable human beings. They have to lead their life in isolation. Rich thinks lesbian relation includes “isolation, self hatred, breakdown, alcoholism, suicide, and intrawoman violence” (239) The movie shows isolation of Diya and Kiran and their struggle to cop up with economical, social status in society when they reveal that they are lesbians. They not only struggle with society but also within themselves. As for instance when Diya gets her marriage fixed with a man, she can’t share it with Kiran at first. But when Kiran knew about her engagement and also gets impregnated by her fiancé she gets upset. But the movie doesn’t show intrawoman violence, suicide, self hatred among lesbian girls as Rich explains in Compulsory Heterosexuality.

Rich’s study of lesbian experience is appropriate to justify lesbian’s isolation in society. She opines that lesbians lack coordination among themselves. They remain a loner because of “lacking a coherent female community” she thinks lesbian existence shares common situation with homosexual men in our society which over shadows true challenges of lesbian. She denies that homosexual male is similar to lesbian, in her words; lesbian existence is “a kind of social life and common cause with homosexual men. But there are differences: women’s lack of economic and cultural privilege relative to men; qualitative differences in female and male relationships.” (239). In the movie Diya who is from economically well to do family and Kiran is from high class family, have to suffer from economic depravity. Their sexual preference caused economic depravity. Because they stand out from heterosexuality which society assumes single preference of woman. As Rich says heterosexuality is only supposed “the natural and sensual inclination for women” (241) Heterosexuality has become sexual norm known as heteronomativity. Kiran’s mother remarks that her son and daughter in law make a lovely couple “What a lovely couple! A match in Heaven!” Heteronormativity is a pervasive and institutionalized ideological system that naturalizes heterosexuality as a universal; it must continually reproduce itself to maintain hegemony over other non-normative sexualities and ways of identity construction. When they stand away from natural relationship prescribed by society they become loner and their parents deny for economic assistance as well.

Summary

Soongava is first nepali movie based on lesbian lovestory. The protagonists of the movie are two college friends Diya and Kiran from Kathmandu, who fall in love. Diya belongs to a conservative Newar family and Kiran is from modern high class family and she is tomboyish. From the beginning she seems to be sure about her sexual preference whereas Diya is not. That’s why she silently accepts marriage proposal of a rich boy brought by her brother. When she is pressurized by family to get married, she finds solace in Kiran’s relationship. Eventually she also knows her sexual preferences. Film projects two protagonists enjoying each other’s relationship either they are alone or in group of people in night club. Kiran grows up with her brother, Milan with whom she shares fitness gadgets like treadmills within their own home. The movie shows candid brawl between them as well which justifies Kiran’s tomboyish nature. On the other hand, Diya who is an apprentice dancer is demur so she can’t voice her wish to not to get married. She has to silently accept her family’s decision to get engaged with a rich man, Pawan. She gets into inevitably in complications as she grows feeling for Kiran. They have sexual foreplay as well.  She can’t share to Kiran that she is engaged to a man. But for Diya she also has to follow traditional way of her family so she needs to preserve her relationship with her fiancé. That’s why she is made to sleep with him (on their first date) ad gets pregnant.  But eventually Kiran knows Diya gets engaged, and she gets upset. Meanwhile Kiran cuts off contact with Diya. Diya clarifies the matter and assures Kiran that she will be ready for the consequence of her decision for their relationship. Diya confesses to her fiancé that she is in love with a female and breaks off her engagement. When it is disclosed to her family, she is accused for disgracing her family. She  bares physical torture. Her sister calls her sexual preference a sickness and nightmare. She shouts at Diya “You’re a disgrace to this family! What are you trying to do? You’re sick! Go see a doctor! You’re raving mad, then! You’ve completely lost it. You’ll bring disgrace on us!” Likewise Kiran is accused by her mother when she tells her about her sexual preference, she claims, “I’m punished! Yet I’ve done nothing wrong!” After confessing their sexual preference, they opt for life away from family without any economical support. They are jobless then at that point Diya’s pregnancy is revealed. Their problem doesn’t end there at the climax Kiran gets killed by her brother. Meanwhile Diya gets expelled from the job which she gets after horrendous struggle. At the end Diya is left alone.

The tragic ends of lesbian lovers prove that the journey of lesbian is lonely. The movie presents an idea that our traditional society forces one to live in isolation and even in isolation they can’t live happily.  Libay Linsangan Cantor believes it is because of patriarchal society relation among lesbians doesn’t last for long. Cantor in his own words:

With such a fragile taboo identity as a woman- loving-woman in a patriarchal society, I   think that lesbians often face challenge of finding someone who will stick around long enough to have a stable relationship. And once “the one” had been found, they also face the pressure from their own community to have that relationship last, as in truly last, for a long time. (109)

Candor claims moralistic patriarchal police labels lesbian a very unnatural that is why this relationships deemed as “doomed from start”.

             

And in a story which heralds doom -- with the purveyors of reactionary power left unseen, such as Diya's fiancé or Kiran's absent (but much-feared) father – a flicker of hope remains towards the end, akin to a symbol celebrating the couple's resilience and steeled will for an independent life. It's a subtle gesture which could serve to define this understated but engaging feature.
 

What is Lesbianism?

Adrienne Rich believes lesbian experience is a way of breaking taboo and rejection of a compulsory way of life. She thinks that it’s a direct or indirect attack on male right of access to women. Lesbianism deals with psychological, social, economic, and political oppression fostered not only by patriarchal male privilege, but by heterosexual privilege as well which is a major case in Soongava. Lesbianism