Sandhya Thapa

I know u are lion, my dear But at heart, cub you are Forceful strength is ur character Yet at times a simple hug u seek for You can't show out loud You can't reach those arms You cling to ur pride Snatching slaughtering even what u want You want to be heard You want to be solved But you can't share You feel inferior Even when ur a lion, my dear You Don't need to prove my dear  But show it to world You are not winter like cold Yet chilled and best to be- hold You are a marvellous dream You have still more to show and share You could do more than roar So you are a lion, my dear

I played with the luck Went into forbidden zone Attached to detached heart Once again, to save my soul All those experiences were experiments But experiments are now my life Once I panicked Smooth path turned to puzzling path Sometime I accept and sometime I deny Life is mixed with acceptance and denial but nothing has remained in life Than the heaps of acceptance and denial Lost and abandoned Two heaps are-  each sides I'm searching mid-way to go through But I'm all standing at the heaps all together No Left ,                                                                             ...

The tender hearts were beating faster, as he laid his hand over her head. It was an auspicious feeling for both of them. All call it a private moment but they called it love making. In and out, a deep breath. They breathe fine. They apologized their past for not being able to get attached that way before. They were feeling love once again but this time it was different than before. Because this time their love was mixed with lust. The aroma of their body was making them more curious to understand what's happening. Certainly, they couldn't use their rational mind but their heart was beating only for each other. Like they are not going to feel that way again

My attempt to understand present takes me to past. I arrived up here safely. I wonder how can i ride further looking at past but it was beautiful. When world is busy planning for future I turn back and contemplate about life and relationship. H ow strange our life has become!! I always wanted to understand human, emotion, relationships and sexuality. My understanding is not enough but I am observing keenly. My keen observation is leading no where so I am holding onto the past and playing with thoughts to manufacture good words so that I can write... Good - bad , wrong- right, Beautiful- ugly... away from these dichotomies. I am dwelling on the thoughts to find out an answer how our past can revisit us beautifully. Journey was discontinued yet past re-arrives not haunting and hurting. But it leaves also making another hole once again. This morning, I collected these ideas... life was sinking long way back before I realized it was sinking. The sinking was smooth not rapid ...

As a soul next to you As smoke vaporizes into dew drops Life will take a new shapes wait dear ... wait We shall meet The smoke is circling us Till it disappears We are together Don't worry Just sitting ... I can see Those fingers are getting weak Without getting sick No question not at all I don't want us to fall When getting apart is only answer Once love was nothing as u swear Conversation is changed Talks disappeared as smoke But soul is there It speaks alone to mind and heart Consoles and rebukes As life has to take new shapes

I might be unable to realize a fact where generalization in life is wrong. I wanna cry out loud, I want set my way where my position will be visible from all direction and angle. Will I be heard then? My visibility test will take nothing more than my presence but why I am not being counted. I visit many places. Everyone welcomed me but I was uninvited... I feel. Restless my heart seeks for inner peace, it doesn't know there is problem inside it... itself is a problem. It desires for everything which shouldn't be desired by it. It fears off being alone, to lose what doesn't belong to it. Sensitive but not a scholar my heart is. It keeps asking for what it doesn't deserve. But feels it has been deserted by exigencies of cruel world. My heart scuttle off of a conjugal life. I want to run away from questions, accusations and justifications. I want to be respected, desired, wanted, welcomed and watched by special nearness. I know this life is long and also spent big ...

Need to conquer all my happiness The only thing I can't negotiate with is Love For it to stay or to be with I need to let it go Oh! how impossible life has become Lost- Gain-Impact is the same All they have is plot of happiness The only problem is they don't know the way

I am teaching myself To gain better ideas Don't want to be failure Stretching myself To handle what I couldn't Don't want to be swept away I am crawling in a new direction To explore virgin dimension Don't want to limit myself I am intending new start To bend unfold path Don't want to miss any good chance

Just a year back You changed your track Took rest at the place Where you had to leave You set the alarm Or, you didn't But you didn't forget to move Till then I waited you After then also I waited you There is no end for these awaits Emotions are same since then I always love to see what's moving away. Now i am used to with such things Temporary rootlessness An urge for a change But how can I gamble with life? I am scared to high rate Unnecessarily I feel I am reached at the cliff I watch, await and wonder.

Were they deaf? Or, an alien? They didn't understand his plead He was among trashes among broken pieces- smelly Yet to be rotten certainly cannot be forgotten For not them who got him - in this world But for them - who saw him and those jaws who caught him Petite, bloody and most of all - its a human baby Once was among million sperms And now its among smells Perhaps through love it was reaped or, merely a guilty pleasure product Whatever, look at it A human body It yawns and its yelling Not for the love Because it doesn't know what exits as such Not now but tomorrow With few he will share his sorrow Will he be able to share how he survived Will he cherish those jaws that kept him alive or that womb that brought him in this world? Oh! wow Still mesmerized by his smile Certainly its not his smile that made my pen run But his innocent yelling and yawns. Not only me everyone is paying attention. 

I never desired it to be meaningful. I utterly demonstrate thing that can entertain others when I strongly deserved one to be heard and noticed but I am unable to be so. I am unable to express a grief I am holding for long. I long for few things but I am unable to figure it out what... Specially when I see red bindi, red bangles and red ornaments hanging on her neck, i question myself for what is she cladding them. She is married but her marriage proved she is not a successful wife. She hasn't met her husband for long. She has moved on and precisely away from her husband though she hasn't forgotten him. She doesn't forget him not because he was her teenage mistake but a father of her son too. She has no reason to be cladding red bindi, sindur and potey or even such ornaments which proves she is once married or did blunder of getting married a wrong man because there is always her son to remind the whole world. What does she regret the most? Of him being her teenage ...

You asked me Why I loved you I loved you Not because You loved me I loved you independently I did and still do I knew you had careless heart Which can fall in and out? Even then I loved you back I doubted you will make me helpless Even then also I loved you You cleared my doubt Still, I loved you I used to be afraid that we will never be together Still, then I loved you Now we are no more together Still, now I love you If it ever be counted. I am sure I love you the most Though the reason is unclear How long, i am not sure The thing I am sure off I love you not to know Why I do so I love you not to be consoled You love me too I don't need to be told I love you probably so Not to be able to explore The answer to why I love you? I love you because I don't have any reason to show And no one can ever explore why is it so...

Oh! Wow your morning calls It’s your voice I wake up to I can never be thankful with god For placing you right at my heart We laugh together Making most of it Making memories to tell our babies You smile, you spread light in my life None of your action says you won’t reciprocate my feelings I’m delighted to have you Your arms are my shelter Thank you for keeping me safe in it. I’m glad for the time you are having me. I’m never alone And you are always there for me

Amidst bouts of blockade Lingering thoughts Made my graveyard Indecisiveness behavior rejects Creative idea. Buried before death Life feels fatigued Broken into unseen pieces Damaged done Not seeing properly Not knowing precisely Reacted dreadfully Demeaned all the values Untouched are unlucky Touched are privileged They set rules to break Untouched soul obeys to be crushed Mine is not ready Coz mine has been crushed double already.

I have collected so many things in stress I wrote completely nonsense lines -so far- I want to write something that makes sense -I turned behind- Saw scattered letters on the paper Useless, senseless most of all now it had turned baseless

I don't like to make new friendship and friends that's why I am making friendship with my old friends with the new name. So don't remember me with my old name... and treat me as yo ur new friend... will u? Cause for few friends I am old and among few of them I am young... so Couldn't maintain the gap That's why I am back to u , with the new name...

She was buried Not dead but alive Not on the tomb But in the arms She was beautiful Not the natural one She was beautified Just by chance She was sinking But nobody cared She was drowning They organized farewell She wanted to communicate But her words ruined She wanted to be understood But remained misunderstood

Drinking poison every night for keeping myself alive Doing the thing which hurts me much for keeping myself from biggest scar The moment I have the glimpse it helps more to dream in hatred and helps me to keep myself to have a desire to win back the thing I lost Still moment is not moment I forget to tell and reaction when predicted couldn't be same one has to choose the wrong phase and one has to regret Regret not on the loss of what once gained But of truth once assumed was not so lies everywhere prevailed.

Reality is much like me Short distance and weight like null Not so beautiful as it should be Because it is much like me Short distance n light weighted n ugly. As one resigns job before being extorted As they think they will be expelled soon I do feel the same Want to resign before I may get extorted Not from job from this living dead life. And I want to prevent myself from being expelled. Got what I want ...but iam feeling to remain alive... Iam gradually dying Nothing charms me... all mine butterflies are flying...away...somewhere Couldnt  catch it hence Im standing Still... I dnt knw what is so easy and rare That will grab mine heart i.e. loitering Dont lose anything big or  even less Emptyheeart required someone's bless exhausted my body ,mind and soul- want to go somewhere there is no human race -need some fresh few air that can fill and provide new energy in right and real The deep dreamer in me cry for the help I need Its the memory o...

Distinct it was your eye among the crowd I could see you from far away but needed to hide Every moment i was enjoying Cause It was you I was watching. Falling in love was impossible to  me your simple sight was enough to be To be a hermit girl forever and for free among the crowd it was only you I could see It was so hard to escape from you I was so scared if youe eyes caught me while iam seeing u I wanted to express my love in silence though it is true I have nothing much to say but words so few "Solemn my heart is falling for you"

That strange silence haunts me Posted so near yet so unmine I felt Blocked way was all open and clear Needed the help to reach there though Nobody helped me Even I couldn’t help myself Near stay wasn’t for me And I couldn’t cross that line Left alone n now just left with little contemplation I don’t know mine generalization will take me where I can’t give it a loud sound n I’m numb now In along deep silence I made a move It gone unnoticed cant regret coz I know the reason now After all when u lose all ur gratitude you don’t deserve others right attitude After losing mine solemn me and my desire And even after knowing the fact I have no much strength left Iam Lost in me Sad low n heavy mine mood is One true scene create so much change in me I see every time in mirror I realized I lost mine purity , a hope, a desire I can’t clearly say now I give up But mine heart is inclining to the direction where the end is one reality though its better

This prince charming I was waiting for is coming or I have missed by my luck Will he come in a special look or will appear as a geek His smile will be like a seasonable one or will be like the sky which always stays up rt there He will be like a strong stone heart or like an ice cream which will melt just like that or like a piece of alluring cake you keep on melting for... Will he be in a simple or flashy  attire ? How my man will be alike? Will he come on his foot or by Pulsar bike? Will he be wearing adidas shoes or branded shoes Nike? Will our everything match from our likes to dislike?? I am so interested to fall in love, Will I meet him iin the park or in a dark night club? Is he going to ask me out first or i have to go forth? Im wondering how will he be proposing me in a round about or in straight forward? Everytime I ask it myself I end up with big laughter I wish he would help me to solve all my problems from simple to toughter hope in a day to come...

The bride on my way I see her everyday She keeps saying Im sorry You can't be like me Just u can do, is see She sees me Im Shobbing But she can't wipe my tears because she is among her dears She is wearing her red thing and i'm noticing my ring Everyone is facinated by her look But mine heart is  a crook She keeps saying Im sorry You can't be like me Just u can do, is see The bride on my way I see her everyday

Long wait How vainly im trying to forget you As if I cant see you , your love for me is true I may at time sound so rude But it is good for you I believe when i am in my solitude Your love is true but may not enough to bind Bind you and I to get new relation to keep in my mind I tried hard to avoid your voice I cant do though I try bcz it isnt mine heart's choice When times change and things maynt in our hand our memory bruise again and again as a bad wound, You could do some right along with some wrong Memory may fade away if the wait is so long.

Whats the use of such life which doesn't give you the pain of being alive Whats the use of such love which doesn't inspire you to write few of the romantic lines With the span of the time you will get the glory which just fades away Before you take little fun it , you start missing it Everyday you keep on running but at the end of the day you find at the same point you have begun You are always in hurry, you have no time for yourself but you feel your life is moving very slowly You get so many suggestions and so many companions but yet you feel you are in trouble which u cant solve and you are alone always and left somewhere Either you'd share or bare your pain , alone you'd be to face At the tall ft of a tower, you can see probably everything, but you cant see the truth and cant find what you look for.

It was then so early or now so late Whatever the thing is, now I regret I do dream in color but why it looks so blur Thing isn't in my grip even when actually it is so near It is my wish to sleep and never wake up None is there to catch me and no  plan I have got to back up I now have no clear vision And i'm same in all season Everything is moving and changing Actually why it is so... there is no reason Some say it goes as per their desire In front of it I stand as mere creature Blame me then i may understand Leave me then i can react Tell me then i can realize ... What i'm dealing isn't dream but life Hardship follows me, in this chasing game I have got non neither to be safe with nor to blame. ...............

At times zeal may disappear somewhere Innocent heart carries so many fear I love you, No matter what it may take Reason I am waiting for you is your love isn't fake Span of time, makes life a rolling coaster In the to and fro of pendulum, life hangs just hangs Useless feeling inside may disturb you And whom you will ask to get answer to get heal and recover You increased the emotion of my heart Stopped life that's why , had a new stat Single reason may be isn't  enough for anyone Just have a faith that may help love stay how is the day and night without you Its not easy to find a single clue Who doesn't want to be loved For love and more without making any vows. Good it may seem but I know nothing last forever Transitory even the love is within the busy schedule who may give the time for love story Who Juliet may have happy endings Hard to beg love to stay long It goes door to door knocks the heart Stay as long as it desire Smile fade...

Dirty doll at the door. Scattered even on the floor, She is a brilliant loser, And thanks to her lower score, She has to lose something she did adore, A lot than more, She has been treated like a whore, Good bye happiness I will miss you always Dirty doll at the door, Scattered even on the floor, She is a brilliant loser, And thanks to her loyal lover, She is been trapped like a whore, A lot than more, She is alone and none to share, Now, she is just a dirty doll at he door. Good bye happiness I will miss you always

Never alone Need not to be propitious to live If you are searching how is it possible Look at me... Living with the tides of emotion It desires to flow over But no one is there to evoke Most of all, it rises and sets Finding no one to control over it It's like an unfashioned lady Even at the age of late twenty She has no one to be heard And she is in search of true flatterer She is in search of strong hands Who stops her when she plans to move She finds the hand But those hands are to bade good bye to her Worthiness of company is a flicker Not to forget those hands were really strong Now, you think she has been alone always Mark my words, she was not Never alone

You realize it little but late And you are paying it back With heavy heart break 1,2,3... Go on counting You can't help it, no matter How much you keep on guessing May be days , weeks months or years, you'd prefer you will be okay if you keep yourself further If its going to be a day , which day it would be in a week That would leads to what i seek Which month will it be to bring happiness in me Ultimately will set my heart free Far in a distance , ease nature stays With the few glimpse of good good rays I would feel IM in path so free n not in maze Totality of life may not exist With spell bound nature come and crush Both has no effect when my heart in fact resists

I Panicked- I was starting the same journey Away but Nowhere -In a same arch as before A journey I used to adore There is a colorless sky Again same journey so tedious Empty my life is very serious Yet it was an expedience regardless of what I achieved I thought I was one But I was in the line Missing my colorful life Brave and benign desire All flushed out in cries

How life bends!- The sky, that limits There where we split Blew of the candle Coz light hurts Intolerable truth and lie entered in the hearts The love is albatross around my neck I walked to seek And to melt for what it demands I felt stillness Iam blunt, dull and zero Couldn’t help weeping mind I’m not a smile- ST But I know how to It’s horrible, I’m wearing it everywhere I go

The picture imprinted in my memory is blur Clicked then when even reality was so unclear When he was moving away He was saying everything will be okay The words he was saying was echoing my voice Without listening my opinion he made his own choice.

Zero Mile Framed Fate by Xeriscope They denied my presence And I blamed my fate To be in their company I cant pay their rate All these beautiful smiles Tries to cover all the gaps But they couldn't meet their wishes files Had to end up with shut eyes Night eyes are tear drops stamp And this is then when existence hurts Feeling of being dismembered Durability of life brings cramp I am exhausted to feel I am exhausted to live I am exhausted to smile Cause I have walked a lot but still I am at Zero mile  

I am here to complement the winner, I am a loser I am more than a hung up blur picture, Smoke in my room Foggy atmosphere  of gloom created battle is flop now lie logic explains how I wanna wish a new birthday to make a wish for a solemn solo heart

All those memories are mine either they are blur or so clear I will save them all cause Iam not able to bury Iam freely organized resting in past to remake happily a loveliest present I see no scope A way I have passed my expiry date Like a castle ruined and haunted Breathing my heart is actually dead Iam not alive but an effigy walking

The month of Loving is finished The feeling's in Damaged and rotten. I am all heart October's the same month for acceptance and rejection - for me This roof's sloppy as it should be Rusty handles cant handle I'm at ruin among the dead hearts Let me fill air in an empty vessel This heart is unsolved matter Vessels full of air won't be noticed Its empty but still its full But go unnoticed If only the empty heart, brain work alone I will go into hibernation and will never come back Cause I'm for six months and I'm not ordinary

Little cry and confession Both of us retarded We both were in emotion Drifted apart again Came closure to be apart forever There was this wish Unfulfilled and hurting Laid with cries- shed tears But gone in vain Come closure to be apart forever Breathing leads to life Every inhale proved I am in hell Regain is possible Impossible is to relive Came closure to be apart forever

Tonight i am his its him i miss I am taking a risk to b in his arms being his miss tonight i long for his kiss tonight I am taking a risk now I am daring a bit to be in his arm again to start what wasn't begin tonight I am his hug of his arms is heavenly bliss so I am risking a bit and i say tonight its him i miss Though I know  I am not his rightful miss

No you are not alive You are already dead Not out but in me... inside me Not necessarily in real But in the imagination... could be in dream Pieces of my heart Sharpness of our broken dreams They  made a tomb for you And this is a place where you sleep Dying, expressionlessly, motionlessly

At the heap of shattered dreams exist some admiration to what has left.... Loved such co existence of entrance and exit Just to miss and wish I live in sane's asylum I lost my solitude I intensely swim among nicest people I dare to live even in surrealism Sub- conscious mood brings mirth Separation may come But it may cause no gloom in me All gone and I'm removed

It's an obvious dream Seen in the oblivion mood Dream is dreaming a precise dream Broken by the trust Built once but broken severally and severely Story of base, now broken The happiness is alive After the death of fun and joy Smile still stays Not to console own self but the happy people around Even sad soul entertains Bright and elegant Refined and beautified Getting ready for another hell.

Losing my grip from reality He entered to the world Chaotic and nervous all the time Point Black Shot on the mouth This is how he enjoyed his every-night The world he is now is trapping him He is scorching everything In search of order He maintains himself among inabilities He doesn't want to talk All those protocols stopped him being himself I am trying to help him But he is in search for bullets to blow He doesn't want to kill anyone But he wants to maintain a peace in himself Peace is to maintain his loss Peace is to retain his abilities Away from the land of desire and destination He is holding it again And he is also losing a grip of reality.  

To Tall Towers It's not my Face But its my race (They have trouble with) Does it mean I'm finished? Am I now one who is at the playlist? (To be chosen and deleted) Snuffled all the time In search of an even enjoyment (To skip and hang on, at the right prime) Beautified outlook Ugly utility of reality (Stand on height-less shoulder ) Shakes a bit but sounds louder Smart-less appearance bother (Envy tall big towers) 

Taking inspiration from dirt ( Lotus, I admire you) I go back to correct all my did (Acknowledging all the support) I cherish selfish support (No grudge but love mixed memory) I don't  care hopeless lot (Something sparkling showed up) Criticism to comment is inspiration (I am joining new parade), Once again

I'm trying hard, At this phase. It is early or late But I am all set I remember all raw I bear the law Hence I'm coming forth I'm neither gonna destroy anyone Nor gonna mend new me Because this time I have convinced me wholly and soulfully that you had never.... never a beloved There is nothing with what you were once addicted No love you have got to accomplish Forget everything cause you forget to relish

Away from crush and the fame There rest unknown thankful fest Fest of love, life and happiness That pragmatic love has become impossible In the sublime shadow Love is ambiguous Life is still Happiness is instill We can't say -what is what, what is not.

Living lodge Dead inside- She holds a dead soul Nothing can hurt her anymore Final adieu for the best role You are living in the world of your own To leave fictional fact Accepted reclusion for unknown Living in a tomb left a world of reality Not for happiness but  for the peace One she had, now though she seeks  She had lost the grip Yet she moves and pleases her existence And she wishes value for her presence.